the Birthday
by EVAN67
Summary: Jerry meets a woman at DMV, Elaine dates a millionaire, Kramer makes a bad business decision and George is George


The Birthday  
  
I own no Seinfeld characters period. Jerry meets a woman at DMV, Elaine dates a millionaire, Kramer makes a bad business decision and George is George.  
  
The title is a little lame couldn't think of a good one, if there are any spelling errors or grammatical errors it's due to laziness on my part and not due to my intelligence.  
  
Jerry, Elaine, Kramer and George are sitting at a table in Monks.  
  
Jerry: Kramer what did you order?  
  
Kramer: Calves liver and onions.  
  
George: You know my dad eats that all time.  
  
Elaine: That explains a lot.  
  
Kramer cuts off a piece and shoves it in Jerry's face.  
  
Kramer: You want some?  
  
Jerry: No. Thank you!  
  
Elaine: It's supposed to be good for you, high in iron.  
  
Jerry: You do know the liver filters the blood.  
  
George: No I think its urine.  
  
Elaine: No its blood.  
  
Kramer: What are you saying?  
  
Jerry: That you're essentially eating a sponge.  
  
George: A bloody sponge.  
  
Kramer: Come on that's not what the liver does.  
  
Elaine: And what do you think the liver does?  
  
Kramer: I don't know.  
  
Jerry: What do you know?  
  
Kramer: That this liver tastes yummy.  
  
Elaine: All right, I'm out of here.  
  
Jerry: Date with Puddy?  
  
Elaine: No we broke up.  
  
Jerry: Why?  
  
Elaine: We went out to dinner last night and he orders coffee and puts in one Sweet and Low and one spoon of sugar.  
  
Jerry: You can't do that, its breaking the rule.  
  
George: What rule?  
  
Jerry: The rule that states you can't mix a sugar substitute with sugar. It would be like mixing unleaded gas with leaded gas.  
  
George: My father puts a spoon of honey in his coffee.  
  
Kramer leans in with a mouth full of liver and onions.  
  
Kramer: That's disgusting.  
  
Elaine: Any way I asked him what he was doing. He tells me he always did this and if I were a better girlfriend I would have noticed. So I left him there drinking his concoction.  
  
Jerry: All because of that you broke up with him?  
  
Elaine: What was I supposed to do pretend I didn't care. And you Jerome have broke up for less than that.  
  
Jerry: True. So where are you off to?  
  
Elaine: I have to meet a man about a picture frame shirt for Peterman.  
  
George: What's that, a picture frame that looks like a shirt?  
  
Elaine: No, it's a shirt that you can use as a picture frame. You know so you can wear your favorite pictures instead of taking them out of your wallet all the time.  
  
Kramer: Put me down for one of those.  
  
Elaine: Your first on the list.  
  
Jerry: That's all we need people walking around with pictures of their kids, grandkids, pets stuffed in their shirt. It's freakish Elaine freakish!  
  
Elaine: Calm down, this idea should crash and burn like 99% of Petermans.  
  
George: You know Elaine put me down for one also.  
  
Jerry: You George? Whose pictures are you going to wear all the woman who intimidate you?  
  
George: Very funny. It's my mother's birthday and I think she would like it. Which reminds me you're all coming over for cake right?  
  
Elaine: Yeah I don't think so George.  
  
Jerry: No.  
  
Kramer: I'm there but Newman is coming too.  
  
George: Great, just great.  
  
Elaine gets up and walks out of the Monks.  
  
Jerry: Kramer, what are you doing now.  
  
Kramer: I was going to go home to change the stuffing in my pillows, why?  
  
Jerry: Feel like taking a ri....  
  
Kramer: Yeah!  
  
Jerry: Ok.  
  
Kramer: Where we going?  
  
Jerry: I have to drop by the motor vehicles and get my car registered.  
  
Kramer: Motor vehicles that place is great, they have some of the best vending machines in the city.  
  
George: So Jerry you're really coming for my moms birthday right.  
  
Jerry: You know George the drive out to Queens on a Thursday night, too much traffic.  
  
George: I'll pick you up, you don't even have to drive.  
  
Kramer: Don't forget about Newman and me we'll need a ride also.  
  
Jerry: If Newman's going there's no way I'm going.  
  
George: I didn't even invite him.  
  
Kramer: He's got to go, I told him there's going to be cake, and he's looking forward to it.  
  
Jerry: No way.  
  
George: I'll tell you what, you go and I'll give you tickets to the Yankee game on Sunday, Owners Box.  
  
Jerry: Owners Box Huh. (Pauses) Alright!  
  
Kramer: Put me down for that to Jerry, there's a few things I'd like to discuss with Mr. Steinbrenner.  
  
Jerry: Like what?  
  
Kramer: For one, I think it would be nice for them to offer a Vegan menu at the games.  
  
Jerry: Do you even know what a Vegan is.  
  
Kramer: No.  
  
Jerry: What else?  
  
Kramer: I would also like for him to have steak day, you know hand out porterhouse or NY strip steaks to all ticket holders.  
  
George: You know Kramer it's amazing your not President of some major corporation with those ideas. Lets have a Vegan menu then give each fan a slab of freshly killed beef to rot in the hot summer sun for four hours.  
  
Kramer: I'm telling you it's a great idea. I'll discuss it with GS at the game.  
  
Jerry: Who says I'm taking you .  
  
Kramer: Oh you will.  
  
George: I'll give you the tickets at the party. Now I have to run I have to meet Sheryl I'm going with her shoe shopping.  
  
Jerry: Sheryl , not the pet psychiatrist?  
  
Kramer: I'm a licensed pet masseuse.  
  
Jerry: Of course you are.  
  
George: It's a good job being a pet psychiatrist.  
  
Jerry: Yeah, I could see it now. A dogs laying on the couch she's in her chair. So tell me Mr. Snookums why is it you think your going to be abandoned every time your owner leaves for work. Woof Woof.  
  
Kramer: Yeah, Woof Woof. (Kramer starts laughing)  
  
George: Say way you want, George likes her.  
  
Kramer: Is Sheryl coming to the party because my friend Bob Sacamano's turtle is having nightmares and maybe she can talk to him.  
  
Jerry: How does he know the turtles having nightmares?  
  
Kramer: Because late at night he can hear faint cries coming from his tank.  
  
Jerry: Of course, I should of known.  
  
George: Yes Sheryl will be there and no you can't bring Bob Sacamano's Turtle. Now if you don't mind I have to go shoe shopping.  
  
Jerry: No I don't mind.  
  
George gets up and walks out of Monks, Jerry and Kramer leave after him.  
  


* * *

  
Jerry and Kramer are at DMV waiting on a long line.  
  
Kramer: Jerry give me some change I want to hit the vending machines.  
  
Jerry: Kramer you don't have any money on you?  
  
Kramer: Just this hundred and who's going to break it here for me, look at these people!  
  
A guy in a Turban in front of them turns and stares.  
  
Jerry: Here.  
  
Jerry hands Kramer a fist full of quarters. Kramer runs off to the wall of vending machines.  
  
Jerry: (To the man in front of him) I like your head wrap must come in handy in the winter. You never have to remember to wear your hat.  
  
The man in front just turns back around.  
  


* * *

  
George is in a very expensive woman's shoe store with Sheryl, who has lots of boxes of shoes in front of her. He is visibly bored and making sock puppets out of the free stockings.  
  
Sheryl: George do you like these?  
  
George looks down at her feet.  
  
George: Yeah beautiful.  
  


* * *

  
Kramer is standing in front of the vending machines deciding what to get.  
  
Kramer: Mars bar, Three Musketeers, Milky Way, Snickers, Oh Mama Peanut Chews.  
  
Jerry is finally at the front of the line.  
  
Jerry: Boy if that line was any longer you'd be handing me my first social security check.  
  
The woman behind the counter laughs and Jerry notices she's very pretty.  
  
Jerry: Aren't you to good looking to be working here, I always thought you had to resemble Bea Arthur to get a job here.  
  
The woman laughs again.  
  
Woman: You're very funny.  
  
Jerry Smiles.  
  
Kramer walks up to Jerry eating his Peanut chews and drinking a soda. His pockets are filled with candy bars and bags of potato chips.  
  
Kramer: Listen Buddy are we done I have to get home I just thought of something.  
  
Jerry: Yeah I'll meet you at the car.  
  
Kramer runs out of the DMV.  
  


* * *

  
Elaine is sitting down in front of a desk behind is an old man.  
  
Elaine: Listen Mr. Popper, Peterman is willing to go seven dollars a shirt no more.  
  
Popper: Eight dollars.  
  
Elaine: Seven no more.  
  
Popper: Eight fifty.  
  
Elaine: Eight fifty your supposed to go down not up!  
  
Popper: Sorry, I forgot. Where were we?  
  
Elaine thinks for a moment.  
  
Elaine: Five dollars.  
  
Popper: Four fifty no less.  
  
Elaine: Deal. Send the bill to Peterman along with the shirts.  
  
Popper: So want to go get some lunch.  
  
Elaine: No.  
  
Popper: I'm worth fifty million.  
  
Elaine thinks for a moment.  
  
Elaine: Yeah why not.  
  


* * *

  
George is now visibly bored, Sheryl has requested more shoes.  
  
George: I CAN'T TAKE IT! HOW MANY PAIRS OF SHOES ARE YOU GOING TO TRY ON!  
  
Sheryl: Just these ten then we can go look at matching bags.  
  
George: Bags, shoes I can't stand it anymore,  
  
Sheryl : George relax.  
  
George: Relax! Hooo hooo! Do you know how many pairs of shoes I own?  
  
Before Sheryl could answer.  
  
George: Two! One pair of sneakers and one pair of loafers that's it.  
  
The salesman stops in front of George and looks at his shoes.  
  
Salesman: And looking at the ones you have on it's time to go to the goodwill and pick out a new pair.  
  
Sheryl the Salesman and every one in the store start to laugh.  
  
George: George is getting upset!  
  
Every one continues to laugh.  
  
George looks around the store and picks up a pair of sneakers not noticing the price or that there womans sneakers.  
  
George: Get me these in a ten.  
  
Salesman: But sir.  
  
George: A ten!  
  


* * *

  
Jerry is now sitting on his couch looking through his mail, Kramer enters in his usual way.  
  
Kramer: Guess what buddy? I just started my own business.  
  
Jerry: Yeah, what is it this time, teaching people how to mooch of theirs neighbors?  
  
Kramer: How could you make a living doing that? It's vending machines.  
  
Jerry: Vending machines. What like candy and soda?  
  
Kramer: No. Underwear and socks.  
  
Jerry: Who is going to buy their underwear and socks from a vending machine?  
  
Kramer: Lots of people, Newman for one and Mickey.  
  
Jerry: And where are these machines going to be?  
  
Kramer: I cut a deal with the NY City Transit Authority, I'll have a machine in a subway station.  
  
Jerry: Cut a deal? Who do you know with the MTA?  
  
Kramer: Oh I know people Jerry.  
  
Jerry: That's great, so the phsycos who hang out in the subway stations will have the option of buying clean underway.  
  
Kramer: Giddy up.  
  
Jerry: You do know Kramer that the Mob runs all the vending machines in New York.  
  
Kramer: Mob there's no such thing as the mob any more.  
  
Jerry: Well when you get visited by a guy with a diamond picky ring and a shark skin suit, don't come crying to me.  
  
The buzzer sounds.  
  
Jerry: Yeah?  
  
Elaine: It's me.  
  
Jerry hits the buzzer and opens his door.  
  
Kramer: You'll see Jerry, now when people think of me they'll think Cosmo Kramer Vending Machine King.  
  
Jerry: More like Cosmo Kramer complete moron.  
  
Elaine walks in  
  
Elaine: Here Kramer.  
  
Elaine throws the picture shirt at Kramer, he opens it and puts it against his chest.  
  
Kramer runs out of the apartment.  
  
Elaine: Well Peterman was very impressed with my negotiating skills, I got the shirt for three dollars less then the asking price and was taken out to lunch by a very wealthy man.  
  
Jerry: Who?  
  
Elaine: The guy who owns the shirt company he's worth millions.  
  
Jerry: Yeah and what else?  
  
Elaine: Lets just say he might have been involved in some trench warfare during WWI.  
  
Jerry: So you're dating a guy who rang in the 20th century and the 21st century.  
  
Elaine: You could say that.  
  
Jerry: I just did. You're not seriously considering having a relationship with the guy?  
  
Elaine: I did for a few moments, a nice house in Scarsdale, Mercedes, plenty of spending cash. Plus he probably only going to live one or two more years any way.  
  
Jerry: So what happened.  
  
Elaine: The thought of having sex with him, I mean it's got to take him like four Viagra to you know?  
  
Jerry: No I don't know, I have no problems with that organ.  
  
Elaine: Any way after lunch he asked for my number, so I told him I gave it to him already.  
  
Kramer walks back in wearing his new shirt with pictures in it.  
  
Kramer: Look at my new shirt, I call this one the Jerry by Cosmo Kramer.  
  
The shirt is decorated in pictures of only Jerry.  
  
Jerry: There is no way you're wearing that out side.  
  
Kramer: Come on Jerry. It's the ultimate compliment.  
  
Jerry: No!  
  
Kramer: Fine. I guess I will have to make it into the Elaine by Cosmo Kramer.  
  
Elaine: There better be no pictures of my Christmas card on that shirt.  
  
Kramer: Oh mama, I guess it's the George shirt. I better call Estelle and Frank to get some good pictures.  
  
Kramer walks out of the apartment.  
  


* * *

  
Jerry is at Monks with the woman from DMV, her name is Tia.  
  
Jerry: I like your name, Tia Popper.  
  
Tia: Thank you, I like yours to Jerry Seinfeld.  
  
George comes over to the table where Jerry and Tia are siting.  
  
George: Jerry I need to speak to you .  
  
Tia: You know you're wearing womans sneakers.  
  
George: I am not.  
  
Jerry: Georgie something you want to tell me.  
  
George: I will have you know I paid five hundred dollars for these at Bellini Shoes.  
  
Tia: Yeah that's where I got mine.  
  
Jerry: How does a DMV employee afford five hundred-dollar sneakers.  
  
Tia: My Ex Husband had an account there.  
  
Jerry: Oh.  
  
Tia: Ok Jerry I got to get back to work, so I'll see you tomorrow night.  
  
Jerry: Ok.  
  
Tia leaves Monks.  
  
George: I thought your coming for cake!  
  
Jerry: Oh yeah I forgot.  
  
George: Forgot! Forgot! Oh no, your coming baby and you can bring Ms. Womans sneakers with you .  
  
Kramer walks in with a very large man wearing dark suit and a pinky ring.  
  
Kramer: Hey buddy.  
  
Jerry: Kramer.  
  
George: Kramer.  
  
Kramer: Let me introduce my business partner Frankie the Spoon Vitale.  
  
George: What's the Spoon stand for?  
  
Frankie: Lets just say if you sharpen a spoon you have a good sticking weapon.  
  
Jerry grabs all the spoons on the table and hands them to a waitress walking by.  
  
Frankie: You know you're wearing womans shoes.  
  
George: They're not womans shoes!  
  
Frankie: Are you questioning me?  
  
George: No, sir.  
  
Frankie: Ok Kramer, I have to go see a man about car crusher, I'll see you in the morning.  
  
Kramer: You got it Partner.  
  
Frankie gets up and walks out of Monks.  
  
Kramer: So Jerry ask me how much we did on our first day selling Underwear and socks in my vending machines.  
  
Jerry: I don't know, how much?  
  
Kramer: Fifty thousand.  
  
Jerry: Wow, and how many machines do you have?  
  
Kramer: One.  
  
Jerry: One machine that's a lot of underwear.  
  
George: Why didn't you ask me to go in with you?  
  
Jerry: George, the mob is using Kramer's vending machine to clean cash.  
  
Kramer: Clean cash?  
  
Jerry: Yes! They take the money from an illegal business, prostitution, gambling or what ever then load your machine up with the money.  
  
Kramer: That would explain why not one pair of underwear or socks where missing and all the bills were in nice piles.  
  
Jerry: You idiot! Its just a matter of time before the FBI gets you and your testifying against these guys, you'll wind up living in Boise Idaho under the name Tom Smith.  
  
George: Nice knowing you Kramer.  
  
Kramer: Mama, you got to help me Jerry. I cant live in Idaho, and I don't look like a Tom.  
  
Jerry: I'm not getting involved with those guys.  
  
Kramer: Come on Jerry, you have to!  
  
Jerry: Not this time, no way.  
  
Kramer: What am I going to do.  
  
George: Sell the machine to some one else.  
  
Kramer: Like who?  
  
George: I don't know.  
  
Kramer: Jerry want to buy a vending machine?  
  
Jerry: Kramer no.  
  
Kramer: George?  
  
George: Kramer, you have to sell it to some one who doesn't know what's going on.  
  
Kramer: Yeah, yeah that's a god idea  
  
Jerry: You think?  
  
Kramer runs out of the apartment.  
  


* * *

  
George, Jerry, Kramer, Newman, Frank, Estelle, Tia and Sheryl are all in the living room of George's parents house.  
  
Kramer: Sheryl can you take a look at my friend Bob Sacamano's turtle he seems to be having nightmares.  
  
George: Kramer I said no turtles.  
  
Sheryl: That's all right George.  
  
Sheryl takes the turtle from Kramer and walks in the bathroom with it.  
  
Kramer: See George.  
  
Newman: Hey Costanza why are you wearing womans sneakers?  
  
George: There unisex.  
  
Jerry: Just like you Newman.  
  
Newman: Very funny Seinfeld, Ha Ha!  
  
Frank: George, what THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WEARING WOMANS SHOES!  
  
Jerry: Yeah George why are you wearing woman's shoes?  
  
George: There unisex!  
  
Tia: There not unisex they specifically say women sneakers on the box, I should know I have like four pairs.  
  
Frank: MY SON'S A FREAK!  
  
The doorbell rings and in walks Elaine with Mr. Popper.  
  
Jerry: Elaine, this guy likes a hundred years old, I thought you didn't give him your number.  
  
Elaine: Peterman gave it to him.  
  
Tia: Henry, why are you here?  
  
Mr. Popper: Tia, I see your trying to sponge off another lonely old man. (Directed to Frank)  
  
Frank: OLD MAN, who you calling old you walking FOSSIL!  
  
Mr. Popper: You!  
  
Jerry: This is your ex husband, what happened?  
  
Tia: Honestly, I couldn't keep up with him sexually.  
  
Jerry: Viagra?  
  
Tia: No.  
  
Jerry: Really?  
  
Tia: Oh yeah.  
  
Frank runs up to Mr. Poppers face.  
  
Frank: YOU AND ME OUTSIDE!  
  
George: Lets calm down no one is going out side.  
  
Mr. Popper: You know you're wearing woman's shoes.  
  
George: UNISEX!  
  
Estelle: Frank stop it, it's my birthday you're ruining my party!  
  
Mr. Popper: You call this a party, it reminds me of Christmas 1917 in the trenches.  
  
Elaine: How old are you?  
  
Mr. Popper: Old enough to know when I'm not welcome.  
  
No one says anything for a few moments.  
  
Frank: THEN LEAVE!  
  
Elaine: Jerry aren't you going to say something.  
  
Jerry: No.  
  
Tia: Henry wait, the truth is I've been thinking of you lately.  
  
Mr. Popper: Really?  
  
Tia: No but I miss the sex.  
  
Elaine: Really?  
  
Tia: Oh yeah.  
  
Tia and Mr. Popper leave together.  
  
Elaine: Jerry you're just going to let her leave.  
  
Jerry: Yeah, I can't compete with that. It's like competing with Moses.  
  
Sheryl comes out of the bedroom holding the turtle.  
  
Kramer: Did you get to the root of the problem.  
  
Sheryl: He said he has this recurring dream that he crawls out of his cage and an overweight mailman makes soup out of him.  
  
Kramer turns to look at Newman who is sticking his finger in the cake and licking the cream.  
  
Kramer: Newman, is this true?  
  
Newman: What, I cant help it, did you ever have turtle soup its taste is exquisite, the meat tender like butter the broth tastes like heaven.  
  
Kramer: Newman!  
  
Elaine: George you didn't tell us you were dating Dr. Doolittle, oh and I love your shoes.  
  
Newman: So we cutting this thing or what.  
  
Kramer walks over to the coat rack and removes his coat revealing his Shirt, which is covered in pictures of George from when he was a baby all the way to an adult.  
  
George: Kramer what are you wearing!  
  
Kramer: I call it George by Cosmo Kramer.  
  
Jerry walks over and leans in to look at a picture.  
  
Jerry: George, why are you wearing high heels in this picture?  
  
George: Oh my god!  
  
Elaine: Look at this one he's got on stockings your like thirteen here.  
  
Newman leans in.  
  
Newman: Costanza you're a sick sick man.  
  
Sheryl walks over to Kramer and takes a look at the pictures on his shirt.  
  
Sheryl: George, I'm leaving you freak.  
  
Jerry: Yeah that was expected.  
  
George: I'll call you later.  
  
Sheryl: Kramer, bring the turtle to my office on Friday, I want to see him again.  
  
As she is leaving she sees another picture of George.  
  
Sheryl: George here is a collogues card I would suggest you make an appointment to see him.  
  
George: Is this a real physiatrist or a animal psychiatrist?  
  
Sheryl: Animal, but he specializes in apes.  
  
Estelle: I hope George you take her advice.  
  
George: You're the one that dressed me in woman's shoes to begin with.  
  
Frank: THAT'S BECAUSE YOU HAD EXTREMY SMALL FEET AS A KID!  
  
Newman: Can we just cut the cake already.  
  
George: Good idea.  
  
As George finishes lighting the candles he hands Jerry an envelope with the tickets in it.  
  
Estelle: What's that Georgie?  
  
George: Nothing, what.  
  
Estelle: That envelop what was it.  
  
Kramer: Oh I'll tell her George, he gave Jerry Yankee tickets to come today.  
  
Estelle: You bribed your friends to come here today.  
  
George: No!  
  
Frank: Liar, you're a LIAR GEORGE!  
  
Newman: That's it, I can't take it any more.  
  
Newman takes his hand and puts in the cake taking out a big chunk and starts eating it.  
  
Jerry: That's a lovely sight.  
  


* * *

  
Jerry is standing in his kitchen with a Yankee hat and shirt on, when Kramer enters in his usual fashion.  
  
Kramer: You ready for the owners box Jerry, lets get there early so we can try and catch some balls during batting practice.  
  
Jerry: Hey what happened to the vending machine?  
  
Kramer: I sold it.  
  
Jerry: Just like that?  
  
Kramer: Just like that.  
  
Jerry: To who?  
  
Kramer: Mr. Peterman.  
  
Jerry: How did you get him to buy it?  
  
Kramer: I had Newman sell it him, he told him it would be a great way for him to show off his clothes or even fill it with his catalog.  
  
Jerry: You know Kramer that's not a bad idea even for you. Did you tell him about the Spoon?  
  
Kramer: No.  
  
Jerry: Yeah this should come back to bite some one on the a..  
  
The phone starts to ring.  
  
Jerry: Yeah., ok, I can be there in two hours, great.  
  
Jerry hangs the phone up.  
  
Jerry: Kramer, I can't go my agent just called to do a benefit concert in Albany tonight.  
  
Kramer: Great who am I supposed to go with now?  
  
Jerry: I don't know, go your self, it's the owners box there will be plenty of people there.  
  
Kramer: I guess.  
  


* * *

  
Kramer walks into the owners box at Yankee Stadium the only other person there is George Steinbrenner.  
  
Steinbrenner: Who are you?  
  
Kramer: Cosmo Kramer a friend of George Costanza.  
  
Steinbrenner: Costanza, good man a little slow but a good man.  
  
Kramer: You know GS, I was wondering if I could throw a few ideas at you.  
  
Steinbrenner: I always like new ideas big Stein is all ears. You know back in 1977 some said to me you should have Reggie come out with a candy bar. Back in 1985 I was told to mix one packet of sugar with one packet of sweet and low and to this day I still do that. So what's your ideas.  
  


* * *

  
Jerry, George and Kramer are watching the Yankee game on TV a week later.  
  
Announcer: This is interesting two firsts at Yankee Stadium today. From now on they will offer a Vegan menu for all Vegetarians and today's give away to all ticket holders was a fresh steak.  
  
Kramer: Oh, so a Vegan is a Vegetarian.  
  
George: He actually listened to you.  
  
Jerry: George, you work for the Yankees and didn't know this was happening.  
  
George: I keep a very low profile.  
  
The game is in the bottom of the 9th, there are two outs bases loaded with a full count on Derek Jeter the score is Boston 2 Yankees 1.  
  
Announcer: Ok here we go what a game so far. Here's the pitch, ball four. No struck him out looking on a pitch clearly out of the strike zone. The crowd is letting the umpire know how bad a pitch that was.  
  
In the background you hear people booing and yelling.  
  
Announcer: Is that Steak? The fans are throwing their free steaks on the field, GET DOWN! Lady's and Gentlemen a porter house steak came just inches from smacking our soundman in the face. People are throwing Porterhouse, NY strip, and filet mignon, Oh the humanity. I'm going to stick my head out to get a view of what's going on. Oh my god its total mayhem. Who ever came up with steak day should be fired. I see Boston players cowering on the field being pelted by USDA choice cut meat. There's meat sticking to the scoreboard. Wait, wait I now see a pudgy gentlemen actually picking up the steaks and putting them in a bag, a Mailbag.  
  
Jerry: I see Newman went to the game today.  
  
George: I had extra tickets.  
  
Kramer: Good thing he brought his bag.  
  
This is where the end commercial would be, before the last minute or two of the show. I do this only because it makes it easy to wind up the story.  
  
Elaine is sitting behind her desk looking at some papers when Mr. Peterman walks in.  
  
Peterman: Elaine I want you to meet my new business partner, Frankie.  
  
Elaine: Business partner I didn't know you were looking for some one.  
  
Peterman: Well I wasn't, he sort of found me.  
  
Frankie the Spoon walks into Elaine's office.  
  
Frankie: Hey I'll be in my office, and when a guy with a briefcase of ice picks shows up he's for me. Who's the chick?  
  
Frankie leaves.  
  
Peterman: Elaine, never trust a short pudgy fellow wearing a shirt covered in pictures of a child in high heals selling a vending machine stuffed with underwear.  
  
The End 


End file.
